you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
