no, he came in my armpit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
