Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
