Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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