Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
