return my video game
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
