You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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