He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
