Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There r osticjed everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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