Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The air taste purple.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
