I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
