I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think people are normalizing furries
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
