Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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