I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
