so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
