Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm too high and old for this...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
