I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
