i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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