dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
