I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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