i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize