I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
