I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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