It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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