I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
