So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
