He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
