Pappa wants mamma naked
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
