I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
