32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
