Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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