I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
