yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
