Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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