mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
