Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
