Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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