we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
