the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
