just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
