i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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