if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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