I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to make out with him forever
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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