She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
