In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
