you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
