Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
