I look better un-naked...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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