Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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