Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
