when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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