you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
