Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
