i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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