I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
