it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My dick has a subreddit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
