Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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