glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
