If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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