this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
