I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How external is "for external use only"?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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