This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
