and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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