I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do herpes really smell.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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