They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
