I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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