Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
false alarm, still single
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
