My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
