I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
